Cinebarre

Over a year ago, my local Regal theater Mountlake 9 closed its doors, never to open again. The building was purchased and renovated by a company that a ran a chain known as Cinebarre. The concept: eat and drink while you watch movies. It's kind of like seeing a live comedy show and a nightclub, or going to Second City in Chicago, except it's, well, you know, not live.

Because our glorious state of Washington has the most ridiculous alcohol policy (no minors in bars, no exceptions), no one under the age of 21 is allowed in the Cinebarre because every screen is, essentially, a bar. In the other four locations (Asheville, NC; Charleston, SC; Denver, CO; and Salem, OR), ages 18 and up can go see movies there, and those under 18 but not under 6 can see movies if accompanied and seated with parents or over 21-year-olds. Naturally, I had to wait until now to experience the Cinebarre, and I feel it is my duty to report on the experience. I have made two trips, and come out with the same feelings.

First, I like how they've renovated the entire place. The main lobby is a lounge area when you can sit and have a drink while waiting for a show to start, or after a show to discuss it. There are dozens of old movie posters all over the walls, along with posters for upcoming releases. They've also done a spectacular job with the screens. Mountlake had uncomfortable seats, but Cinebarre has replaced them with comfy seats, and taken out every other row so that you have a place to set your burger. They've also made the screens bigger, somehow; they stretch from left to right completely, and really fill the entire area.

The menu is also a lot of fun, with several items sharing names with popular movies. These include Blade Runners (french fries), Body Snatchers (potato skins), Goldfingers (chicken strips), Lawrence of Arabia (a pita pocket dish), Soylent Greens (salad), and, of course, an American Pie. There are also a few specialty drinks, such as the Pulp Fiction (a mimosa) and the Lolita Margarita (which is kind of wrong).

When you are ready to order a Blade Runner or the sort, you write down your choices on a piece of paper provided, and stick it up in the stand in front of your seat so as to draw your waiter's attention. They come by, take the order, and your food is delivered to you within 20 minutes...usually. My first visit was to see Inception a second time, and our order was placed ten minutes before the previews began rolling. By the time the first reel was over, I noticed we hadn't received our food yet, and after an hour, I hunted down one of the waitstaff and inquired as to why it takes an hour to prepare burgers. Apparently the computer palm-pilot thingys that the servers used had failed to send our order to the kitchen (as well as everyone else's in our row), so they gave is free tickets to another screening and delivered our food promptly (our drinks were delivered quickly, so the bar's computer must be awesome).

My second viewing was for The Other Guys, and our food was delivered in a timely fashion. Overall, the food is decent, but is nothing outstanding or out of this world. I actually like the fries a lot, as you can tell they are cut and made in the kitchen. But I'm not much of a food critic and have only had the burger, potato skins, onion rings (with the not so subtle name of Lord of the Onion Rings), and chicken strips.

But despite the issue with food on my first trip, there is just something irritating about the Cinebarre experience as a whole that I can't quite shake. First, the lights are never entirely dimmed because the waitstaff is continues to run around and take orders throughout the show, if you should write something else down on the paper. Second, when you do get your food, it draws you out of the movie because now you are focusing on eating this burger but being relatively quiet about it so as not disturb other patrons (though they don't always oblige). Finally, around an hour before the movie is over, the waitstaff drops your check off and then you have to think about paying, how much to tip, and yadda yadda yadda. Overall, it is the least immersive theater experience I have ever had.

So do I recommend the Cinebarre? Not really. I suggest you go check it out to experience it at least once, but I would not go there very often. It is a cinema to see a film you truly don't care about (for instance, a bad romantic comedy might be tolerable because you can down Pulp Fictions), but definitely not a movie you have been anticipating for a while. You are never really into the movie because you are always aware you are in a theater, with friends, dining while viewing a movie. Though if you are on a blind date, this place could be awesome because it combines dinner and a movie and eliminates most of that unnecessary talking business.

The one plus to it being 21 and up? No kids or crying babies. Hallelujah.

The Other Guys (2010)

The Other Guys was chugging along nicely, a rather stupid action-comedy starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, but really what did I expect? Then the movie ended, and the most surprising thing happened: the end credits began displaying graphs, charts, and data on the bailout, CEO spending, CEO salaries, Ponzi schemes, and the like. For a minute, I wondered whether The Other Guys had been a smart satire on America's economy. Then I realized nope, Adam McKay just thinks throwing up a bunch of info like that will make us think the movie was smarter then it really was.

But really, it isn't half-bad. It opens with Sam Jackson and Dwayne Johnson being super-macho stereotypes of themselves, which is pretty funny, and Ferrell is actually hilarious in his early scenes as a subdued worker. It's nice to see him restrained and not the pompous idiot of Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Semi-Pro, or Step Brothers. Mark Wahlberg is less funny as Ferrell's partner, but he still does a good enough job. Much of their chemistry in the beginning is what makes the movie fun (a debate over tunas versus lions is the film's best moment).

But then the film becomes embroiled in its plot, and then the film becomes less inspired. Ferrell starts becoming hyperactive again, and the movie hits its lowest points when Eva Mendes comes onscreen. This isn't because Ms. Mendes is a bad actress (she was exceptional in Bad Lieutenant), but because the joke around her character is totally miscalculated. Ferrell completely disregards her beauty and mocks her constantly, yet hot women are still attracted to him. She is given terrible lines as well ("I show him my breasts every morning and tell him, 'these are waiting for you.'"), and overall is squandered.

Then there's the plot, which involves Steve Coogan carrying out a Ponzi-ish scheme, I guess. He keeps borrowing money from investors with no real intent on paying them back. What is particularly odd about this film is how Ferrell and Wahlberg spend most of their time protecting Coogan from the villains, when in the end, he is put behind bars and is himself the main villain. It's funny to have the heroes stake so much for the villain.

Finally, the action itself is less-then-inspired. I can tell this film was influenced by Hot Fuzz, the far superior action-comedy, and that's because that film had style. This film lacks any sort of style and is dead in the water. Helicopters fly around and car chases ensue, but there's really no awe coming from them, and in the end you are left yawning.

So, in the end, this picture fails because apparently it wants to be a satire on the economy and big business, when really, it is anything but.

SNL Digital Shorts

SNL has had a long, rocky history. I most commonly hear people decry the show for not being as funny as it once was, which is true. Tune into any SNL episode these days and most of the sketches are cringe worthy, and rarely, if ever, sport a laugh. But, SNL is churning out some of its best, most memorable moments with the Digital Shorts section.

Back in 2005, Andy Samberg joined the cast of SNL, though he was mainly relegated to the taped segments, such as commercials, and rarely appeared in the live segments. But then, in December of 2005, he produced a music video, dubbed a digital short, with Chris Parnell, dubbed "Lazy Sunday." This sketch was the funniest thing to come out of SNL in a long, long, long time and gave birth to the Digital Short sketches, which are by far the funniest thing to be featured on SNL in a long time. Samberg is part of the comedy group Lonely Island, whose other members are Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, and they are responsible for the sketches and songs.

Now, after five seasons, they have produced more then 60 digital shorts, though most of them are very bizarre and some not funny, as is the case with SNL (you can't produce genius every week). But I thought I'd rank the top 10 funniest and best videos they've ever put out in the past 5 season run.

10. On the Ground (3502)

Samberg stars as a beatnik who sings about rejecting the system and throwing everything given to him on the ground, be it a free energy drink sample or cake at a birthday party. The video gets a lot of mileage out of the punch line "I threw it on the ground," accompanied by super slo-mo shots of said items hitting the ground. The end of the video has Elijah Wood and Ryan Reynolds, as themselves, tasering Samberg in the butthole after he interrupts their dinner. It's a bit of a lackluster ending, but Samberg's satire on those who oppose the system is still pretty damn funny.

9. Natalie Raps (3113)

The second significant video put out by the Digital Shorts features Chris Parnell interviewing Natalie Portman, who proceeds to rap about her life as being a "badass bitch," contrary to the sweet public image and 4.0 average at Harvard she had. It's a foul mouthed video that is pretty hilarious, followed by Andy dressed as Flavor Flav completing the rap. Samberg is the best in this video, though, as the pompous news reporter who continues to smile and ask questions no matter how vulgar Natalie gets.

8. Laser Cats 4-Ever (3415)

Laser Cats started in the show's 31st season, with Bill Hader and Andy Samberg eagerly presenting SNL Executive Producer Lorne Michaels with a short film they've made to air on the show, Laser Cats. Every year brings a new incarnation of Laser Cats, as Samberg and Hader bug Michaels in various environments, even interrupting a dinner he is having with Senator Dodd. I love the low budget quality because it reminds me of filming movies when I was a kid that turned out exactly like that. This particularly Laser Cats features Steve Martin pitching the Laser Cats idea to an increasingly exasperated Michaels. The plot of each one centers around cats that shoot lasers from their eyes or mouth or something, and Hader and Samberg's quest to stop an evil something-or-other from winning. Watching all five is a treat, and I look forward to further installations in the Laser Cat franchise.

7. Dick in a Box (3209)

This song, a collaboration with Justin Timberlake, is what really launched the Digital Shorts in stardom. It received a creative arts Emmy and became a hit all over the Internet. It's premise involves Samberg and Timberlake as two sleazy guys who decide the best gift for their girlfriends at Christmas is their Dick in a Box. The payoff is at the end, when Samberg and Timberlake dance around with Christmas Boxes hanging to them by their junk. It's wonderfully inappropriate humor that called for the return of these two characters in a far superior video.

6. The Japanese Office (3312)

The video opens with Ricky Gervais more or less commenting on how unoriginal the American Office is because, well, it's copied from his show. But then he reveals that his inspiration came from a Japanese version of the show, and we are treated to the exact same pilot episode as the UK and US Offices, just in Japanese. If you've seen either version of the Office, then this video is a non-stop riot, and if not, then the joke is probably lost on you. Steve Carrell, who has hosting the show, reprises his role of Michael Scott, but in Japanese. Finally, the show ends, and it's finished off with the best line in the whole thing: Ricky Gervais laughing and saying, "It's funny because it's racist."

5. Lazy Sunday (3109)

This is where it all began. A simple music video about two dudes rapping about their quest to go see The Chronicles of Narnia was the funniest thing SNL had put out in a long, long time. Not much more can be said about this video. You know it well enough by now, probably, and it gave birth to a whole new segment in the SNL series. The lyrics are fast and creative (Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals crazy delicious), and what really sells it is the intensity of the performance by the two. Every time I watch it it never ceases to make me laugh.

4. Great Day (3522)

This was the most recent Digital Short, aired at the season finale, and it also has endless replay value. Samberg plays Dennis, a man who snorts coke and then proceeds to sing about how great his day is going to be in the style of a Disney number. He gets increasingly agitated and the song speeds up as he snorts more coke, eventually ending in a great gag where he and his fellow dancers imitate the Matrix. Also a hilarious punch line is when Samberg's face becomes distorted and his eyes turn red.

3. Jizz in My Pants (3410)

This far and away the most successful video they have done, receiving the most YouTube hits and being instantly catchy. It also features Jorma Taccone, one of Samberg's fellow Lonely Islanders, as they sing about premature ejaculation at the slightest thing (from a woman's touch to her voice to the ending of the Sixth Sense). Jamie Lynn-Sigler, who plays Meadow on the Sopranos, guest stars, as does Justin Timberlake and Akiva Schaffer. Basically, you know this song pretty well by now.

2. Motherlover (3422)

Season 34 was a terrific run for the Digital Shorts, from Jizz in My Pants, to the number 1 pick, to this sequel to Dick in a Box. Samberg and Timberlake reprise their roles as the sleazy dudes just getting released from jail for the mishaps of the first video. They realize it's mother's day and they didn't get their mom's anything. And, true to their nature, they decide they should swap moms and give them "company." The moms are played by Patricia Clarkson and Susan Sarandon, and the video is so wrong it is just hilarious. That's all I can say. I don't see how Samberg and Timberlake can top this one, because it is one of the best they have put out.

1. I'm on a Boat (3416)

The other significant piece from Season 34, this is by far and away just the best thing they've ever done. Every time I view the video, and insane energy courses through my body and as soon as the video ends, I want to watch it all over again. The song also holds up on its own and is just a great number to belt out to. The lyrics are fast and creative (I've got my swim trunks, and my flippy-floppys, I'm flipping burgers you at Kinko's straight flippin' copies), and the beginning of the video is funny as hell. The Lonely Island is eating breakfast when Samberg wins a boat ride from three and selects Akiva and T-Pain, who happens to be there as well, to accompany him. This will having you belting "I'm on a Boat" long after it's over.

The Worst of the 2000s

I realized today that I never really reflected on which movies were the worst of the decade that expired nearly 8 months ago. We all got obsessed figuring what was the best, what would live on in memory, and we forgot to reflect on the amount of shit that came out in the decade as well. Now I didn't see a lot of movies that I thought were horrible. There are a fair number of bad movies I missed (Battlefield Earth and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever are two notable ones I never saw), so if you think there are movies worse then what I've listed, there probably are. I don't make it a habit to runaround and see all the awful movies out there so I can make a good worst of the decade list. There are also only 5 movies, because I don't think the worst should be dignified with slots (and it's more fun to figure out what really is the worst).

5. Troy (2004)

Dir. Wolfgang Petersen

This took a story I loved, the Trojan War (I haven't read the Iliad itself), and got everything about it wrong. Eric Bana, Diane Kruger, and Peter O'Toole (especially O'Toole) are the only good parts of the movie, and while I don't hate the rest of the cast, I think they were either miscast or their roles were underwritten. Brian Cox is Agamemnon, and he is good in the role, but the role is typified as a villain. Similarly, Achilles (Brad Pitt) seems like nothing more then a surfer dude who also happens to be a badass with a sword. And Sean Bean was about one of the worst choices for Odysseus. I should trust the guy, not suspect his every motive.

Even worse is how the movie tries and fails to be like Lord of the Rings, with battles as epic as any in that film, but with none of the emotional heft. Really, I find it hard to believe the whole nation of Greece would ride out against Troy without some motivation...which is where the Gods came in! Now, true, the inclusion of Gods can be ridiculous, but I think this is what the story needed. Most of what happens in these Greek stories is because the Gods are bored and trying to spite each other. The movie also takes a 10-year war and condenses it down into two weeks or so, the fastest war I've ever heard of.

This is also when Orlando Bloom had a brief run of popularity (but who remembers him now?), and he is probably the worst as Paris. I hated everything about this movie, except Peter O'Toole who can never be hated. I hope one day to see a movie that does the Trojan War justice.

4. Rush Hour 2 (2001)

Dir. Brett Ratner

The only time I saw this movie was when I was 12 or 13-years-old, and I remember even then thinking how horrible the script was. The jokes aren't funny, the story is all over the place, and Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan have zero chemistry (plus, Tucker is REALLY annoying). While anything with Chan will have fun fight sequences, this still can't escape the fact that it's a Brett Ratner film, who really is one of the worst filmmakers out there today. I don't remember much about the movie, but I was very unhappy with my friend who recommended it to me.

3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Dir. Michael Bay

I continually name this as one of the worst because I was fool enough to go to the midnight screening and witness the heinous acts against humanity on the screen. The script is horrible, built around action sequences Bay devised while the writers were on strike, and the story doesn't make any sense. If the Fallen can only be destroyed by a Prime, then doesn't that make Megatron stronger then he, since he does succeed in killing Optimus Prime? The movie is also horribly racist, with two jive-talking robots that are the comic relief but also African-Americanish. They also can't read the language of the robots. Yeah. Just stay away from this pile of trash.

2. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

Dir. Steve Oedekerk

It's a spoof of the martial arts genre, and its about the most annoying thing I have ever seen. Oedekerk casts himself in the title roll, as a baby whose parents are killed by a thug and who grows up seeking vengeance for his dead parents. The movie uses an actual Kung Fu film, The Savage Killers, and while the movie gets a laugh out of dubbing, it gets several groans out of a love interest who makes an annoying sound, and a cow who knows Kung Fu. It's not a funny movie, it is a horrible one.

1. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Dir. Jared Hess

Comedy is the hardest genre: rarely do they get recognized for how funny and touching they can be, but the bad ones stand out worse then a bad drama. A bad drama you forget, but a bad comedy...you remember it because you can't figure out why it was funny. And I can't figure out why the world fell in love with this quirky story of a weirdo from Idaho who does...nothing! This movie is about nothing! Just this guy who is awkward and lives his life!

I guess it would help if I actually thought the guy was funny. And while I think Jon Heder is good, I don't think the character is that...interesting. He's just annoying. The audience laughs at Napoleon, not with him. Not once are we given an insight into this character, who he is, what his dreams are. We simply get random gags. His grandma is injured in a dune buggy accident. Ok, not really that funny. His uncle thinks he was once a great NFL star and goes wild in front of the TV. And his brother chats with women online all day long.

Really, I didn't like anything about this movie. I remember when it came out, and how much everyone loved it. I saw it because they said see it. But this movie is the worst because I don't think there is any other movie that has received as much public acclaim as this that I just can't...stand. It's a bad movie, and definitely one I have hated since the moment I saw it.

Inception (2010)

It's hard to really give a thorough description of what Inception is about, but here's the most basic ingredient to understanding how complex it is: Imagine the Matrix. Now imagine that there was a Matrix inside that Matrix. And possibly another one inside that one. You kind of get the head trip that Inception is about to take you on.

The movie concerns that which is most precious to movies: dreams. Movies realize our greatest dreams and greatest fantasies, and Inception is a movie to challenge all those notions. Here is the reason we go to the cinema: to see things we've never seen before, to experience thrills that we've never dreamed of. A Trip to the Moon was a modern marvel in 1902, and I'm happy to report that in a summer full of sequels, reboots, and whatever else, Christopher Nolan has delivered what could very well turn out to be his best movie.

I say could because I'm not sure of the movie's greatness yet. But it is a movie that, once over, immediately warrants a repeat viewing because you want to go back, knowing what you now know, and reconstruct the movie from there. Repeat viewings, as is true for all movies, test whether something is truly a masterpiece. For now, I will say Inception is one of the best of the year and maybe that opinion will change later on.

The movie is about a specialized group of people who steal ideas from other people's dreams. Leonardo DiCaprio plays Cobb, one of the best in this field, along with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I won't even begin trying to explain how this process, known as "extraction," exactly works, and I won't even delve too far into the concept of Inception except to say, it is the opposite of an extraction.

Marion Cotillard is also in this movie, as Leo's wife, and she has a stare that terrifies the shit out of you. There's also Ellen Page, who doesn't know how this stuff works and so serves as our entry point into the whole idea of the dream world. Her job is to construct the reality of the dream so that the subject doesn't realize there are other "dreamers" there.

Nolan, who is the sole writing credit on this one (usually his brother Jonathan collaborates, but this one was maybe to intricate for Nolan to lay out for him on paper), proves how adept he is at juggling multiple story lines. This movie is the perfect study of parallel editing over the course of an hour to build tension so high that you are about to burst at the seams with craziness just wanting it to all end.

Undoubtedly there will be several knockoffs of this film down the line, but we will weather them. People will try to be as brilliant as Nolan, but few if any will succeed. He is working on a whole new level, way ahead of the rest of his competition, and inventing the curve. Did I understand Inception? Yes. Can I explain it? Yes, but it would take far too much time to lay out, and honestly, you should just go see it. It's a movie that has to be experienced, it cannot simply be explained.

Midway 2010

Around this time, critics reflect on the first half of the year and usually name some of their favorite movies that you should go and see immediately. Last year I was able to do this because I had already seen a fair number of movies and had five I could easily recommend (though none of those made it into my top 10 at the end of the year). Usually movies that come out in the first half of the year are easily forgotten, with a few rare exceptions. I have seen less movies this year because I became busy with life's projects. Also, the majority of movies out there right now just look like plain shit.

I will tell you this. The best movie I've seen so far this year is Toy Story 3, and the worst movie I've seen is MacGruber. The rest of the movies I've seen this year are as follows (alphabetically):

Get Him to the Greek

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Iron Man 2

Kick-Ass

Shutter Island

Winter's Bone

A limited range of movies that I do not feel much like writing about. Let's just say only one of those movies is really good, two of them are decent, one is fair, and the rest are poor. So instead of focusing on the best so far this year (as there aren't many I have evidence of) I will focus on six movies coming out over the next six months that I really want to see.

Inception

Release Date: July 16th

In a summer filled with sequels and uninspired adaptations, here is what appears to be the only original movie to come out of Hollywood in the summertime. Thank God for Christopher Nolan, who can make almost anything he wants now that the Dark Knight is the third biggest money maker of all time, domestically. Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Michael Caine, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Cillian Murphy, and Marion Cotillard all star in this intriguing thriller about dreams, or something. The trailers are intentionally vague, and I refuse to read any reveal about the plot elements. Nolan hasn't made a dud yet, so let's hope he doesn't start here. This movie looks amazing.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Release Date: August 13th

It doesn't look like a masterpiece by any means, but Edgar Wright is a talented director (he helmed Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), and this movie looks endlessly inventive. Michael Cera is Scott Pilgrim, in a boy-meets-girl story with a twist: apparently they exist in some video game/comic book universe, because in order to date the girl Ramona (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) he must first fight off her seven evil exes. It's a nice set-up, and the film's palate reflects both a comic book and a video game as various actions are accompanied by their verbal form (for example, ding dong). This movie just looks like plain, awesome fun at the end of the summer, and one of only two movies I am actually looking forward to this season. Otherwise, it's the art house for me.

Machete

Release Date: September 3rd

The fake trailer that opened up the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino double bill Grindhouse three years ago has actually morphed into a feature film of its own. There is no official trailer, though Rodriguez released another fake trailer on Cinco de Mayo that made the film look like it was about immigration (which it apparently isn't, according to Rodriguez himself). Still, the man can be entertaining when he's not doing Spy Kids sequels or Sharkboy and Lava Girl, and instead focuses on adult-themed movies. Lindsay Lohan is in this, as a nun or something, which is a big what? Overall, though, I will be happy to see this when it comes out.

The Social Network

Release Date: October 1st

A movie about Facebook? No thank you. Oh wait, it's written by Aaron Sorkin and directed by David Fincher, starring Jesse Eisenberg? Sign me up! I don't know much about this film, except that it's about the invention of the revolutionary networking site that this entry will be published on (and you too blogger), and Jesse Eisenberg is giving Michael Cera a run for his money as the uneasy but sympathetic young male. The poster states "You don't get to 500 Million Friends without making a few enemies first," and is about how the creator had a falling out with one of his close friends, played by Andrew Garfield. I'll admit, if anyone less credible was attached I wouldn't be interested, but Fincher can usually produce something interesting.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I

Release Date: November 19th

I am a lifelong Potter fan, but the movies have never really done the stories complete justice. Current director David Yates is the oddest choice to take the series into the finishing stretch, but the film has been shot, and we are now getting Part I of two parts. This might become a trendy new way to capitalize on your ending series, as Twilight has now unnecessarily decided to break its final book into two parts, rather then make a three-hour movie. Whatever. Basically the final two movies focus on Harry's journey to find and destroy Horcruxes, which are dark magical objects that Lord Voldemort has hid his soul in to ensure immortality. Hopefully Yates delivers, but we'll see.

True Grit

Release Date: December 25th

The Coen Bros. are hit and miss with me. I love Fargo, No Country for Old Men, and A Serious Man, but could care less for The Big Lebowski (though I want to give that a rewatch) and Burn After Reading. I haven't seen John Wayne's True Grit, though I plan to before this is released. Really, I know nothing about this movie, but it's the Coen Bros., and with them you are always in for an interesting treat. This also marks the fourth movie they've released in four consecutive years, which is quite a feat for anyone. IMDb has three projects in development for them, but no word on if they are taking 2011 off. If they are, they deserve it. Either way, I will be there to see this movie.

MacGruber (2010)

Spoilers. But do you really care?

The fact that Will Forte, John Solomon, and director Jorma Taccone took a one-joke sketch from SNL and turned into a feature-length movie that is only half-bad is admirable. The original sketch spoofed MacGyver, a show I'm not terribly familiar with, and locked Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, and a random guest star in a non-descript location while the threat of a bomb going off was imminent (Wiig's only duty was to remind MacGruber of the countdown). The sketches are all about a minute long, are pretty funny, and always end with the bomb exploding and everyone dying.

Val Kilmer plays the villain of the film, Dieter von Cunth, and once you hear that name you can pretty much telegraph the trajectory of the rest of the picture. The film is filled with wall-to-wall raunch, some of it funny, most of it not. MacGruber is called into action when Dieter steals some missile, and he rounds up his old team of "Killer-Stoppers," which mainly consist of WWE wrestlers. Their fate is one of the movie's inspired moments, and forces MacGruber to recruit the much-less-80s Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe), and his old flame's friend, Vicki (Kristen Wiig, in the same role as the show).

The movie gets some mileage out of the joke that MacGruber's accomplishments are a bit exaggerated. He attempts to make a homemade grenade, which fails to work, and refuses to use guns only because "He never learned how." When he does finally fire a semi-automatic, he does so with glee, and wonders why he always bothered with those intricate gadgets in the first place.

But besides being a buffoon, MacGruber is also somewhat of a psychotic, disturbed man. A fellow driver insults his ride, and MacGruber memorizes the license plate of the offending vehicle. He even writes the plate down over and over in a steno book, and whether the audience is supposed to find this funny or disturbing is a bit of a mystery, though I assume it was supposed to be comedic. It was a bit more disturbing to me. When Mac finally finds the car, he burns it, and I guess we're supposed to feel good for him, but I didn't.

The origins of Dieter and Grubs' rivalry is also a tad more disturbing then you would expect. They were all friends in college, when MacGruber stole the woman Dieter was in love with and talked her into having an abortion (the apple of their eyes is Maya Rudolph), so Dieter retaliates by blowing up Maya Rudolph and their wedding. It's a backwards story, and I admire the filmmakers somewhat for making MacGruber not totally relatable, but he's still one messed-up guy.

But the movie's jokes are also hit-and-miss: MacGruber's technique of running around naked with celery sticking out his butt to distract guards is amusing, but not funny or worth repeating. And the sex scene between MacGruber and Vicki and then later the ghost of his dead wife are more annoying then funny (he makes love while hee-hawing), or the joke would be funny if it weren't played out so long.

But I also don't think the movie embraces its ridiculousness enough, and instead feels like its being restrained by its action-comedy quota. Wayne's World and The Blues Brothers are two terrific comedies that totally embrace absurdity, but also give us characters we more or less love, despite the fact that they're not really honorable. MacGruber isn't lovable, and instead can't seem to fully explore the realm of the absurd.

Part of the reason this movie flounders is that it feels like these men haven't grown-up at all. Immaturity is fine, but the script feels like it was written by a 13-year-old, though I firmly believe it was written by the 13-year-old spirits of the men who loved the 80s action movies they are spoofing, just injecting it with things their inner 13 would have found hilarious. That's fine, except this movie is rated R, and is a hard R, so adults will mostly come to see this (and frankly, 13-year-olds probably shouldn't. 14 is ok). Most of them will leave disappointed, but the few whose 13-year-old spirit still lives on in them will love it. I guess that means mine is dead.