Black Swan (2010)

There have been many movies in the history of cinema that deal with people descending into the realm of madness: Ron Howard's A Beautiful Mind (2001), Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver (1976), Stanley Kubrick's The Shining (1980), and Darren Aronofsky's own Requiem for a Dream (2000). Aronofsky's latest film, Black Swan, deals with obsession and madness through Natalie Portman's ballerina character Nina, who vies for the lead role in the widely-known swan lake.

But there is a catch to this Swan Lake: the director of the show, Thomas (Vincent Cassel), wants the same ballerina to play both the white swan and the black swan. For those who don't know swan lake, here is the quick rundown: a beautiful princess is turned into a swan, and must win the love of the prince to turn her back. Sadly, the prince is seduced by the black swan, the swan princess' sister, and so the white swan commits suicide. I'll be frank in saying this movie is not subtle about dealing with the duality of the swan characters and Portman's own inner struggle to embody both roles.

Portman's Nina is an uptight character who has a sense of entitlement to the role, and just wants to be perfect at everything. This is not what Thomas is looking for: he is looking for someone who knows how to let go, to inhabit the rigid, beautiful perfection of the white swan, and the dark, seductive nature of the black swan. Nina is a perfect white swan, but a terrible black swan. "Would you fuck this girl?" Thomas inquires of the ballerino (is that the correct term?). He can't answer. The point is made

(I have just googled "male ballerina." Indeed, ballerino came back as a positive name, though the french word "danseur" is also common)

This is a frighteningly tense movie, and it keeps you on the edge of your seat for so long that when Mila Kunis' character Lily shows up and takes Nina out for a night on the town, you relax because you can finally just let go, like Nina does. It is then to the director's credit that he keeps us as uptight as Nina, relieving us only when Nina does.

And the movie is incredibly effective as a horror film as well. Nina develops a rash on her back, and constantly has visions of peeling her skin off, cutting her toes, and even pulling feathers out of her back. The movie blurs the line between reality and fantasy so much that you get lost, with Nina, in what is going on. By the end all is clear, which is slightly disappointing because I would have loved some ambiguity left to whether certain events did transpire.

But where the movie goes too over the top is in its visual effects department. Nina's skin crawls, her legs bend awkwardly, and a whole assortment of weird stuff happens that doesn't need to. We get she is going mad, and crawling skin is too obvious a way to sell it to us. The audience is generally pretty smart and can figure out what is going on. The visual effects do pay off in when beautifully rendered shot near the end, as Nina fully embodies the black swan.

SPOILER ALERT

I really had a problem with the film's ending as well. I don't disagree with the events that take place, as it is appropriate for the story and the mirroring of the ballet taking place. No, what I don't like is how similar the ending feels to The Wrestler (2008), as Randy jumps from the ring and everyone chants his name before the screen goes black. Nina jumps too (it is the role of the swan), and then everyone begins chanting her name as the screen whitens out. It's not really that the endings are similar in story, but its also similar in the way he executes it.

END SPOILER ALERT

This movie belongs to Portman, who turns in a terrific performance that is sure to garner her tons of accolades and awards, perhaps an Oscar. Was it the best of the year? Hard to say, as I still have many more films to see. But Portman sells her role, and is able to transfer from uptight, to relaxed, and completely seductive throughout the course of the film. The Academy loves showy performances over the simply, quieter ones, and this one surely draws attention.

Black Swan, in the end, succeeds at being an exceptional thriller and performance piece, and showcase for both Aronofsky's excellent sense of tension and Portman's terrific prowess as an actress. Though it goes over the top and is not something I'd sit through again soon, I do recommend it highly. Just be warned that it is an exhausting movie emotionally, and as Nina feels relieved, so do we.

Rated R for hot lesbian lovin', hot Natalie Portman masturbatin', and creepy teacher-inappropriately-touching-student lovin'. Also blood.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Une (2010)

Harry Potter has come a long way from where he started as a wide-eyed child entering the magical gates of Hogwarts. Then, the magical world was a bright and happy place, with dangers lurking around corners, but easily solvable with a little determination and ingenuity. The films and books have become increasingly darker in tone as the characters age and the bright world shatters around them; indeed, a metaphor for all children growing up and realizing life is not the easy, happy experience they thought it would be.

Deathly Hallows opens with the cold-blooded murder of a Muggle Studies teacher, and the bodies begin piling up from there. Harry, Ron, and Hermione (do I need to tell you who plays them?) must set out to find and destroy Horcruxes, evil objects that conceal bits of Voldemort's soul. They start under the protection of their elders, but soon set out on their own and are stranded in the English countryside with nary a clue as to what to do.

As a Harry Potter adaptation, this is the film I have been waiting for. By splitting the book in two parts (also a clever ploy to make more money), writer Steve Kloves and director David Yates are finally allowed to take their time, and really let us get to know these people that we have seen grow up before our very eyes. The movie adds scenes that aren't in the book that help deepen the characters: in the opening we see Hermione erase her parents memories and Harry and Hermione share a dance when all is bleak.

Of course, the film neglects certain details that help flesh out other characters: Lupin's reluctance to stay with Tonks is something they eliminated, though I think that is a powerful scene that forces Harry to accept the fact that he really is on his own, and can no longer rely on adults. And Kreacher's development is thrown out, as he becomes a loyal slave to Harry Potter, someone he once resented.

Otherwise, this film is basically the book, even including long passages in the second half of the trio wandering aimlessly through the woods trying to decide what to do next. As far as a Harry Potter movie is concerned, it is decidedly quiet. There are explosions and chases at the beginning, and many deaths permeate the film; but the film lives and breathes with its quieter moments, including a scene between Ron and Hermione playing a piano, and Ron's continual monitoring of the radio to hear who has died.

The reason Prisoner of Azkaban has been continually lauded as the best in the Potter series is because Alfonso Cuarón gave the film a natural pace, and it flowed as a movie would. It also changed the landscape of the Potterverse and brought the series down to darker depths. Harry Potters 1 - 2 and 4 - 6 have always had a rushed sense about them, though I feel Yates found a better sense of pace in Half-Blood Prince.

When both films are combined they will probably total five hours or so, and will be glorious retellings of a story every Potterfan loves. The only real problem with the film is its eventual and unavoidable sudden ending, but that can be forgiven as it is only half a movie. People will be frustrated because it isn't the same Potter film of the past; its a slower film, and I loved that. And it raises the expectations even higher for Harry's grand finale next July as the Battle of Hogwarts takes place. Yates has delivered introspective Potter; now, the public is hungering for epic Potter.

One final note: the film contains a beautifully animated segment telling the story of the Deathly Hallows, narrated by Emma Watson. Its these touches that help the movie succeed.

The Social Network (2010)

When David Fincher's latest film (and quite possibly his best) ends, you may wonder what was it about this film that you loved? I find it almost indescribable to tell you what was so wonderful about the film, but let me try and explain.

The movie concerns the invention of the social networking site, Facebook. It is about Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg), his friend Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), and the various other members who take part in this revolutionary invention. When it was announced two years ago that they were making a Facebook movie, many of us (including myself) scoffed at the notion. How could they make a movie about Facebook? Then when Fincher was signed to direct and Aaron Sorkin, creator and writer of the West Wing, signed to pen the script, many of us breathed a collective sigh.

And they have delivered. I think the film benefits more from Sorkin then from Fincher; his memorable dialogue is what drives every scene, and I would be surprised if this didn't win for Best Adapted Screenplay at this year's Oscars. Of course, Sorkin's dialogue would be nothing if he didn't have a fine cast to embody those words and make their own. And I am not diminishing Fincher's role in all of this; it was his sure hand that guided them through it all to the very finish.

Besides telling the story of how Saverin, Zuckerberg's only real friend, came to sue him for $600 million, the movie meditates on how Facebook has infiltrated our very lives. What made it appealing and different from MySpace or Friendster? Exclusivity. The site was founded solely for Harvard students, then expanded to Cambridge, Yale, and Stanford, and eventually across two continents and farther. When I first joined Facebook four years back, I had to be invited to join (I was only in High School), and it felt like I was being admitted into an exclusive club (I believe it had only recently be opened up to email invitation). Now to sign up is as simple as couple clicks, but then, it was something special.

The movie also does an excellent job of balancing between the invention and meteoric rise of Facebook, and the two depositions, one for Saverin, the other for three Harvard men who had an idea for a site called The Harvard Connection, which Zuckerberg essentially took and made better. These three men, two of the brothers, have a legitimate case, as does Saverin. In fact, from the very first scene, Zuckerberg isn't entirely likable. And I think that's what is amazing about this movie.

We've had unlikable protagonists before, but I think Zuckerberg's portrayal is so poignant because it proves that success and glamour don't go hand in hand, as people would like to believe. Before he invents Facebook, Zuckerberg is nobody, just a computer hacker and programmer (and an excellent one). But after, he gets groupies, and he suddenly becomes the person everyone wants to be friends with. If they spent time getting to know him, they might not like the person they see. The film opens with Zuckerberg on a date with Erica Albright (Rooney Mara, who will play Lisbeth in Fincher's remake of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo), and she says, "You are going to be a successful programmer, and you are going to spend your whole thinking girls won't date you because you are a nerd. And I tell you, from the bottom of my heart, that that is not true. It's because you're an asshole."

The movie cites this incident as Zuckerberg's initial creation of Facebook. If you search Erica Albright Real on Google, you'll return articles contemplating whether this character actually exists or not. In fact, Zuckerberg said the movie plays out a lot like fiction, some of it weighed in fact, of course, but certain events dramatized or invented for the filmmakers benefit.

And I say good for them. My favorite biopic (which this essentially is) ever made is Amadeus (1984), but that movie makes a rivalry between Salieri and Mozart that didn't actually exist in real life. But do I care? No, because the movie plays out with terrific drama and is one of the best movies I have ever seen. If you want straight fact, go find a biography (which I'm sure we'll see one soon about the ACTUAL Zuckerberg story).

Fincher and Sorkin and everyone involved have crafted one of the year's best pictures, and one I eagerly await seeing again. It's a film about our times, about lives. It is also the story of how to skillfully screw your friend out of a business. Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake), the founder of Napster, exclaims to Zuckerberg "This is our time!" Indeed it is.

Cinebarre

Over a year ago, my local Regal theater Mountlake 9 closed its doors, never to open again. The building was purchased and renovated by a company that a ran a chain known as Cinebarre. The concept: eat and drink while you watch movies. It's kind of like seeing a live comedy show and a nightclub, or going to Second City in Chicago, except it's, well, you know, not live.

Because our glorious state of Washington has the most ridiculous alcohol policy (no minors in bars, no exceptions), no one under the age of 21 is allowed in the Cinebarre because every screen is, essentially, a bar. In the other four locations (Asheville, NC; Charleston, SC; Denver, CO; and Salem, OR), ages 18 and up can go see movies there, and those under 18 but not under 6 can see movies if accompanied and seated with parents or over 21-year-olds. Naturally, I had to wait until now to experience the Cinebarre, and I feel it is my duty to report on the experience. I have made two trips, and come out with the same feelings.

First, I like how they've renovated the entire place. The main lobby is a lounge area when you can sit and have a drink while waiting for a show to start, or after a show to discuss it. There are dozens of old movie posters all over the walls, along with posters for upcoming releases. They've also done a spectacular job with the screens. Mountlake had uncomfortable seats, but Cinebarre has replaced them with comfy seats, and taken out every other row so that you have a place to set your burger. They've also made the screens bigger, somehow; they stretch from left to right completely, and really fill the entire area.

The menu is also a lot of fun, with several items sharing names with popular movies. These include Blade Runners (french fries), Body Snatchers (potato skins), Goldfingers (chicken strips), Lawrence of Arabia (a pita pocket dish), Soylent Greens (salad), and, of course, an American Pie. There are also a few specialty drinks, such as the Pulp Fiction (a mimosa) and the Lolita Margarita (which is kind of wrong).

When you are ready to order a Blade Runner or the sort, you write down your choices on a piece of paper provided, and stick it up in the stand in front of your seat so as to draw your waiter's attention. They come by, take the order, and your food is delivered to you within 20 minutes...usually. My first visit was to see Inception a second time, and our order was placed ten minutes before the previews began rolling. By the time the first reel was over, I noticed we hadn't received our food yet, and after an hour, I hunted down one of the waitstaff and inquired as to why it takes an hour to prepare burgers. Apparently the computer palm-pilot thingys that the servers used had failed to send our order to the kitchen (as well as everyone else's in our row), so they gave is free tickets to another screening and delivered our food promptly (our drinks were delivered quickly, so the bar's computer must be awesome).

My second viewing was for The Other Guys, and our food was delivered in a timely fashion. Overall, the food is decent, but is nothing outstanding or out of this world. I actually like the fries a lot, as you can tell they are cut and made in the kitchen. But I'm not much of a food critic and have only had the burger, potato skins, onion rings (with the not so subtle name of Lord of the Onion Rings), and chicken strips.

But despite the issue with food on my first trip, there is just something irritating about the Cinebarre experience as a whole that I can't quite shake. First, the lights are never entirely dimmed because the waitstaff is continues to run around and take orders throughout the show, if you should write something else down on the paper. Second, when you do get your food, it draws you out of the movie because now you are focusing on eating this burger but being relatively quiet about it so as not disturb other patrons (though they don't always oblige). Finally, around an hour before the movie is over, the waitstaff drops your check off and then you have to think about paying, how much to tip, and yadda yadda yadda. Overall, it is the least immersive theater experience I have ever had.

So do I recommend the Cinebarre? Not really. I suggest you go check it out to experience it at least once, but I would not go there very often. It is a cinema to see a film you truly don't care about (for instance, a bad romantic comedy might be tolerable because you can down Pulp Fictions), but definitely not a movie you have been anticipating for a while. You are never really into the movie because you are always aware you are in a theater, with friends, dining while viewing a movie. Though if you are on a blind date, this place could be awesome because it combines dinner and a movie and eliminates most of that unnecessary talking business.

The one plus to it being 21 and up? No kids or crying babies. Hallelujah.

The Other Guys (2010)

The Other Guys was chugging along nicely, a rather stupid action-comedy starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, but really what did I expect? Then the movie ended, and the most surprising thing happened: the end credits began displaying graphs, charts, and data on the bailout, CEO spending, CEO salaries, Ponzi schemes, and the like. For a minute, I wondered whether The Other Guys had been a smart satire on America's economy. Then I realized nope, Adam McKay just thinks throwing up a bunch of info like that will make us think the movie was smarter then it really was.

But really, it isn't half-bad. It opens with Sam Jackson and Dwayne Johnson being super-macho stereotypes of themselves, which is pretty funny, and Ferrell is actually hilarious in his early scenes as a subdued worker. It's nice to see him restrained and not the pompous idiot of Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Semi-Pro, or Step Brothers. Mark Wahlberg is less funny as Ferrell's partner, but he still does a good enough job. Much of their chemistry in the beginning is what makes the movie fun (a debate over tunas versus lions is the film's best moment).

But then the film becomes embroiled in its plot, and then the film becomes less inspired. Ferrell starts becoming hyperactive again, and the movie hits its lowest points when Eva Mendes comes onscreen. This isn't because Ms. Mendes is a bad actress (she was exceptional in Bad Lieutenant), but because the joke around her character is totally miscalculated. Ferrell completely disregards her beauty and mocks her constantly, yet hot women are still attracted to him. She is given terrible lines as well ("I show him my breasts every morning and tell him, 'these are waiting for you.'"), and overall is squandered.

Then there's the plot, which involves Steve Coogan carrying out a Ponzi-ish scheme, I guess. He keeps borrowing money from investors with no real intent on paying them back. What is particularly odd about this film is how Ferrell and Wahlberg spend most of their time protecting Coogan from the villains, when in the end, he is put behind bars and is himself the main villain. It's funny to have the heroes stake so much for the villain.

Finally, the action itself is less-then-inspired. I can tell this film was influenced by Hot Fuzz, the far superior action-comedy, and that's because that film had style. This film lacks any sort of style and is dead in the water. Helicopters fly around and car chases ensue, but there's really no awe coming from them, and in the end you are left yawning.

So, in the end, this picture fails because apparently it wants to be a satire on the economy and big business, when really, it is anything but.

SNL Digital Shorts

SNL has had a long, rocky history. I most commonly hear people decry the show for not being as funny as it once was, which is true. Tune into any SNL episode these days and most of the sketches are cringe worthy, and rarely, if ever, sport a laugh. But, SNL is churning out some of its best, most memorable moments with the Digital Shorts section.

Back in 2005, Andy Samberg joined the cast of SNL, though he was mainly relegated to the taped segments, such as commercials, and rarely appeared in the live segments. But then, in December of 2005, he produced a music video, dubbed a digital short, with Chris Parnell, dubbed "Lazy Sunday." This sketch was the funniest thing to come out of SNL in a long, long, long time and gave birth to the Digital Short sketches, which are by far the funniest thing to be featured on SNL in a long time. Samberg is part of the comedy group Lonely Island, whose other members are Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, and they are responsible for the sketches and songs.

Now, after five seasons, they have produced more then 60 digital shorts, though most of them are very bizarre and some not funny, as is the case with SNL (you can't produce genius every week). But I thought I'd rank the top 10 funniest and best videos they've ever put out in the past 5 season run.

10. On the Ground (3502)

Samberg stars as a beatnik who sings about rejecting the system and throwing everything given to him on the ground, be it a free energy drink sample or cake at a birthday party. The video gets a lot of mileage out of the punch line "I threw it on the ground," accompanied by super slo-mo shots of said items hitting the ground. The end of the video has Elijah Wood and Ryan Reynolds, as themselves, tasering Samberg in the butthole after he interrupts their dinner. It's a bit of a lackluster ending, but Samberg's satire on those who oppose the system is still pretty damn funny.

9. Natalie Raps (3113)

The second significant video put out by the Digital Shorts features Chris Parnell interviewing Natalie Portman, who proceeds to rap about her life as being a "badass bitch," contrary to the sweet public image and 4.0 average at Harvard she had. It's a foul mouthed video that is pretty hilarious, followed by Andy dressed as Flavor Flav completing the rap. Samberg is the best in this video, though, as the pompous news reporter who continues to smile and ask questions no matter how vulgar Natalie gets.

8. Laser Cats 4-Ever (3415)

Laser Cats started in the show's 31st season, with Bill Hader and Andy Samberg eagerly presenting SNL Executive Producer Lorne Michaels with a short film they've made to air on the show, Laser Cats. Every year brings a new incarnation of Laser Cats, as Samberg and Hader bug Michaels in various environments, even interrupting a dinner he is having with Senator Dodd. I love the low budget quality because it reminds me of filming movies when I was a kid that turned out exactly like that. This particularly Laser Cats features Steve Martin pitching the Laser Cats idea to an increasingly exasperated Michaels. The plot of each one centers around cats that shoot lasers from their eyes or mouth or something, and Hader and Samberg's quest to stop an evil something-or-other from winning. Watching all five is a treat, and I look forward to further installations in the Laser Cat franchise.

7. Dick in a Box (3209)

This song, a collaboration with Justin Timberlake, is what really launched the Digital Shorts in stardom. It received a creative arts Emmy and became a hit all over the Internet. It's premise involves Samberg and Timberlake as two sleazy guys who decide the best gift for their girlfriends at Christmas is their Dick in a Box. The payoff is at the end, when Samberg and Timberlake dance around with Christmas Boxes hanging to them by their junk. It's wonderfully inappropriate humor that called for the return of these two characters in a far superior video.

6. The Japanese Office (3312)

The video opens with Ricky Gervais more or less commenting on how unoriginal the American Office is because, well, it's copied from his show. But then he reveals that his inspiration came from a Japanese version of the show, and we are treated to the exact same pilot episode as the UK and US Offices, just in Japanese. If you've seen either version of the Office, then this video is a non-stop riot, and if not, then the joke is probably lost on you. Steve Carrell, who has hosting the show, reprises his role of Michael Scott, but in Japanese. Finally, the show ends, and it's finished off with the best line in the whole thing: Ricky Gervais laughing and saying, "It's funny because it's racist."

5. Lazy Sunday (3109)

This is where it all began. A simple music video about two dudes rapping about their quest to go see The Chronicles of Narnia was the funniest thing SNL had put out in a long, long time. Not much more can be said about this video. You know it well enough by now, probably, and it gave birth to a whole new segment in the SNL series. The lyrics are fast and creative (Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals crazy delicious), and what really sells it is the intensity of the performance by the two. Every time I watch it it never ceases to make me laugh.

4. Great Day (3522)

This was the most recent Digital Short, aired at the season finale, and it also has endless replay value. Samberg plays Dennis, a man who snorts coke and then proceeds to sing about how great his day is going to be in the style of a Disney number. He gets increasingly agitated and the song speeds up as he snorts more coke, eventually ending in a great gag where he and his fellow dancers imitate the Matrix. Also a hilarious punch line is when Samberg's face becomes distorted and his eyes turn red.

3. Jizz in My Pants (3410)

This far and away the most successful video they have done, receiving the most YouTube hits and being instantly catchy. It also features Jorma Taccone, one of Samberg's fellow Lonely Islanders, as they sing about premature ejaculation at the slightest thing (from a woman's touch to her voice to the ending of the Sixth Sense). Jamie Lynn-Sigler, who plays Meadow on the Sopranos, guest stars, as does Justin Timberlake and Akiva Schaffer. Basically, you know this song pretty well by now.

2. Motherlover (3422)

Season 34 was a terrific run for the Digital Shorts, from Jizz in My Pants, to the number 1 pick, to this sequel to Dick in a Box. Samberg and Timberlake reprise their roles as the sleazy dudes just getting released from jail for the mishaps of the first video. They realize it's mother's day and they didn't get their mom's anything. And, true to their nature, they decide they should swap moms and give them "company." The moms are played by Patricia Clarkson and Susan Sarandon, and the video is so wrong it is just hilarious. That's all I can say. I don't see how Samberg and Timberlake can top this one, because it is one of the best they have put out.

1. I'm on a Boat (3416)

The other significant piece from Season 34, this is by far and away just the best thing they've ever done. Every time I view the video, and insane energy courses through my body and as soon as the video ends, I want to watch it all over again. The song also holds up on its own and is just a great number to belt out to. The lyrics are fast and creative (I've got my swim trunks, and my flippy-floppys, I'm flipping burgers you at Kinko's straight flippin' copies), and the beginning of the video is funny as hell. The Lonely Island is eating breakfast when Samberg wins a boat ride from three and selects Akiva and T-Pain, who happens to be there as well, to accompany him. This will having you belting "I'm on a Boat" long after it's over.

The Worst of the 2000s

I realized today that I never really reflected on which movies were the worst of the decade that expired nearly 8 months ago. We all got obsessed figuring what was the best, what would live on in memory, and we forgot to reflect on the amount of shit that came out in the decade as well. Now I didn't see a lot of movies that I thought were horrible. There are a fair number of bad movies I missed (Battlefield Earth and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever are two notable ones I never saw), so if you think there are movies worse then what I've listed, there probably are. I don't make it a habit to runaround and see all the awful movies out there so I can make a good worst of the decade list. There are also only 5 movies, because I don't think the worst should be dignified with slots (and it's more fun to figure out what really is the worst).

5. Troy (2004)

Dir. Wolfgang Petersen

This took a story I loved, the Trojan War (I haven't read the Iliad itself), and got everything about it wrong. Eric Bana, Diane Kruger, and Peter O'Toole (especially O'Toole) are the only good parts of the movie, and while I don't hate the rest of the cast, I think they were either miscast or their roles were underwritten. Brian Cox is Agamemnon, and he is good in the role, but the role is typified as a villain. Similarly, Achilles (Brad Pitt) seems like nothing more then a surfer dude who also happens to be a badass with a sword. And Sean Bean was about one of the worst choices for Odysseus. I should trust the guy, not suspect his every motive.

Even worse is how the movie tries and fails to be like Lord of the Rings, with battles as epic as any in that film, but with none of the emotional heft. Really, I find it hard to believe the whole nation of Greece would ride out against Troy without some motivation...which is where the Gods came in! Now, true, the inclusion of Gods can be ridiculous, but I think this is what the story needed. Most of what happens in these Greek stories is because the Gods are bored and trying to spite each other. The movie also takes a 10-year war and condenses it down into two weeks or so, the fastest war I've ever heard of.

This is also when Orlando Bloom had a brief run of popularity (but who remembers him now?), and he is probably the worst as Paris. I hated everything about this movie, except Peter O'Toole who can never be hated. I hope one day to see a movie that does the Trojan War justice.

4. Rush Hour 2 (2001)

Dir. Brett Ratner

The only time I saw this movie was when I was 12 or 13-years-old, and I remember even then thinking how horrible the script was. The jokes aren't funny, the story is all over the place, and Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan have zero chemistry (plus, Tucker is REALLY annoying). While anything with Chan will have fun fight sequences, this still can't escape the fact that it's a Brett Ratner film, who really is one of the worst filmmakers out there today. I don't remember much about the movie, but I was very unhappy with my friend who recommended it to me.

3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Dir. Michael Bay

I continually name this as one of the worst because I was fool enough to go to the midnight screening and witness the heinous acts against humanity on the screen. The script is horrible, built around action sequences Bay devised while the writers were on strike, and the story doesn't make any sense. If the Fallen can only be destroyed by a Prime, then doesn't that make Megatron stronger then he, since he does succeed in killing Optimus Prime? The movie is also horribly racist, with two jive-talking robots that are the comic relief but also African-Americanish. They also can't read the language of the robots. Yeah. Just stay away from this pile of trash.

2. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

Dir. Steve Oedekerk

It's a spoof of the martial arts genre, and its about the most annoying thing I have ever seen. Oedekerk casts himself in the title roll, as a baby whose parents are killed by a thug and who grows up seeking vengeance for his dead parents. The movie uses an actual Kung Fu film, The Savage Killers, and while the movie gets a laugh out of dubbing, it gets several groans out of a love interest who makes an annoying sound, and a cow who knows Kung Fu. It's not a funny movie, it is a horrible one.

1. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Dir. Jared Hess

Comedy is the hardest genre: rarely do they get recognized for how funny and touching they can be, but the bad ones stand out worse then a bad drama. A bad drama you forget, but a bad comedy...you remember it because you can't figure out why it was funny. And I can't figure out why the world fell in love with this quirky story of a weirdo from Idaho who does...nothing! This movie is about nothing! Just this guy who is awkward and lives his life!

I guess it would help if I actually thought the guy was funny. And while I think Jon Heder is good, I don't think the character is that...interesting. He's just annoying. The audience laughs at Napoleon, not with him. Not once are we given an insight into this character, who he is, what his dreams are. We simply get random gags. His grandma is injured in a dune buggy accident. Ok, not really that funny. His uncle thinks he was once a great NFL star and goes wild in front of the TV. And his brother chats with women online all day long.

Really, I didn't like anything about this movie. I remember when it came out, and how much everyone loved it. I saw it because they said see it. But this movie is the worst because I don't think there is any other movie that has received as much public acclaim as this that I just can't...stand. It's a bad movie, and definitely one I have hated since the moment I saw it.