82nd Annual Academy Awards: Morning After Thoughts

Man, that ceremony seems like one bad dream.

Part of the reason is that I got drunk last night watching the show, but it also has to do with just how bad the show was put on. Opening with a strange parade of the 10 lead actors up for an award and displaying them for all the world to see was one of the most miscalculated decisions I've seen in awhile. This was followed by a totally misfired musical number starring Neil Patrick Harris, who is a funny guy. Go to YouTube and find some of his Tony Awards antics, they are hysterical. But here, his number introducing Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin, as well as making fun of some of the nominees, was unmemorable and just plain awful.

Then down came our hosts, lowered from the rafters of the stage, and as they came out and began their rapport, I realized what a miscalculated decision this co-hosting job was. Martin lead most of the jokes, with Baldwin following suit. Baldwin looked uncomfortable up there, and it was more obvious then ever that the lines were scripted. The problem with two co-hosts is it makes improvisation harder, especially when they don't have a good chemistry. That is what the two lacked as well; a Colbert/Stewart pairing would fire up some great chemistry, or any number of, but these two are obviously funnier when there's an editor in the chair choosing their best lines.

Christoph Waltz's win was expected, as was Pete Doctor's for Up and T-Bone Burnett for Crazy Heart. Screenplay went with the WGA, so I guess Tarantino isn't as liked by his peers as we thought he was. Mark Boal still gave a rousing speech.

Then there was an unexpected but very sweet tribute to John Hughes, who died this past year. Matthew Broderick, Molly Ringwald, Macauly Culkin, and many others came out onstage and a very touching montage was shown of all his films. I've never been the biggest Hughes fan myself (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is my favorite of his), but I recognize what makes him so loved, and he deserved these minutes. It came in place of the usual Honorary Award, which they didn't hand out this year, so I'm guessing this is who they meant it for.

In the short films I keep learning different lessons; Logorama won, which I thought was the best, and I guess I should have gone with my favorite from the Live-Action, The New Tenants. I thought for sure the Academy would take the bait Chernobyl, but I guess like Six Shooter, you should always go for the film that ends in bloodshed. And fuck Documentary Short; if there's anything I learned this year, it is to not even listen to what other people are picking and select a random title. I did it two years ago and got it right, and it is what I will continue doing.

Ben Stiller in Na'Vi makeup was a highlight of the night. Much better then his miscalculated Joaquin Phoenix impersonation, he fully embodied the character of the Na'Vi. Ironically, he pointed out, Avatar was not up for Makeup, and maybe he should have worn Spock ears. And the makeup was so good that I kind of wish Avatar had combined more of that. Stiller proved that actors have the most intense eyes, and are more alive then any computer will be able to imitate. Then Star Trek won, which is no surprise.

Then the biggest upset of the night, won that I don't think any official prognosticator saw coming: Precious upset Up in the Air for Best Adapted Screenplay, and a very emotionally overwhelmed Geoffrey Fletcher and gave probably the most passionate speech of the night. His upset was very unexpected, and I'm still trying to figure out how it happened. Up in the Air was so certain! But hey, that's why we watch, because there is always one big upset.

Avatar and The Young Victoria won Art Direction and Costume Design, respectively, and then Zac Efron and Anna Kendrick came out to distribute the Sound awards. We got a very funny clip narrated by Morgan Freeman about the Sound work in The Dark Knight, and clarifying for us what exactly the difference is. I've done Sound work and I even have a had time telling. The Hurt Locker surprisingly won both awards (I was sure Avatar was going to win one of them, so I put it down for both). That guy was strange.

Martin and Baldwin showed an amusing Paranormal Activity spoof of them to introduce the Horror montage. Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner came and made the introduction proper, though I noticed Stewart seemed either really nervous, or strung out on drugs. Or both, she is Joan Jett in the new movie The Runaways. The Horror montage was great, though one of them said Horror has been little recognized since The Exorcist more then 30 years ago. Excuse me, but what about The Silence of the Lambs winning Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress, and Screenplay a mere 19 years ago? Horror isn't under-recognized, it's just done bad most of the time.

Mauro Fiore became another famous alum of my college Columbia College Chicago to win an Academy Award for Cinematography (for Avatar) though I still feel you shouldn't win for a movie that was created mostly in a computer. Following this was as a very odd interpretive dance to all the Original Score nominees, followed by Michael Giacchino winning for Up. Well deserved, well deserved.

Avatar wins visual effects, easily the most locked category of the night. The Cove wins best Documentary, and Ric O'Berra comes onstage and holds up a sign that says "Text Dolphin to 41....something something". I couldn't tell because the cameras quickly cut away to a shot of the audience, which made me mad. Let Mr. O'Berra, who is fighting for something he believes in, to have his moment in the spotlight.

Tyler Perry handed out Film Editing, and made fun of himself for probably never being able to hear his name again at the Oscars (I guess I can appreciate someone who knows their work isn't great). The Hurt Locker won, of course. Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino handed out the Best Foreign Language Oscar to El Secreto de Sus Ojos, which I haven't seen and merely predicted on the hunch that you can't go with anything that's already out. Finally, the final four, and the Oscars hit the 210 minute mark, already over-running their length.

They continued having people talk about the Actors, which I liked, and this time they made it old friends of the Nominees, rather then famous movie stars who might have nothing to do with the person they are taking about. Michelle Pfeiffer introduced Jeff Bridges, Vera Farmiga talked about George Clooney, Julianne Moore about Colin Firth, Tim Robbins about Morgan Freeman, and Colin Farrell about Jeremy Renner. Jeff Bridges won.

For Actress, Forest Whitaker introduces Sandra Bullock, Michael Sheen about Helen Mirren, Peter Skarsgaard about Carey Mulligan, Stanley Tucci about Meryl Streep, and Oprah about Gabourey Sidibe. Sandra Bullock, as expected, won. She said she wasn't going to cry (they all do), but she broke down a bit at the end. I've grown to like her as this Awards Season pressed on, but I still don't think she deserved it.

Then Oscar officially made history with Barbra Streisand walking to welcome the first female director ever into the white boys club. I think it would have been hilarious if Lee Daniels or Jim Cameron had won instead. Barbra makes the moment fairly epic; as she opened the card she paused and then said, "Well, the time has come, Kathryn Bigelow." She was great, and I was very happy she won.

Now the Oscars were 30 minutes into overtime, so Tom Hanks simply came out and opened the envelope. No recap of the ten nominees at all, he just came out, ripped open that envelope, and announced The Hurt Locker for Best Picture. Kathryn Bigelow was too stunned to give a speech, so Mark Boal spoke for her. It was proud moment that exemplifies the Academy honors what really is a great movie, not merely a great spectacle.

But overall this show as a step-back from last year. My advice: bring back Stewart, cut out all musical numbers. That would help. These shows can seem long and it doesn't help that the co-stars weren't funny.

UNTIL NEXT YEAR!