Cinebarre

Over a year ago, my local Regal theater Mountlake 9 closed its doors, never to open again. The building was purchased and renovated by a company that a ran a chain known as Cinebarre. The concept: eat and drink while you watch movies. It's kind of like seeing a live comedy show and a nightclub, or going to Second City in Chicago, except it's, well, you know, not live.

Because our glorious state of Washington has the most ridiculous alcohol policy (no minors in bars, no exceptions), no one under the age of 21 is allowed in the Cinebarre because every screen is, essentially, a bar. In the other four locations (Asheville, NC; Charleston, SC; Denver, CO; and Salem, OR), ages 18 and up can go see movies there, and those under 18 but not under 6 can see movies if accompanied and seated with parents or over 21-year-olds. Naturally, I had to wait until now to experience the Cinebarre, and I feel it is my duty to report on the experience. I have made two trips, and come out with the same feelings.

First, I like how they've renovated the entire place. The main lobby is a lounge area when you can sit and have a drink while waiting for a show to start, or after a show to discuss it. There are dozens of old movie posters all over the walls, along with posters for upcoming releases. They've also done a spectacular job with the screens. Mountlake had uncomfortable seats, but Cinebarre has replaced them with comfy seats, and taken out every other row so that you have a place to set your burger. They've also made the screens bigger, somehow; they stretch from left to right completely, and really fill the entire area.

The menu is also a lot of fun, with several items sharing names with popular movies. These include Blade Runners (french fries), Body Snatchers (potato skins), Goldfingers (chicken strips), Lawrence of Arabia (a pita pocket dish), Soylent Greens (salad), and, of course, an American Pie. There are also a few specialty drinks, such as the Pulp Fiction (a mimosa) and the Lolita Margarita (which is kind of wrong).

When you are ready to order a Blade Runner or the sort, you write down your choices on a piece of paper provided, and stick it up in the stand in front of your seat so as to draw your waiter's attention. They come by, take the order, and your food is delivered to you within 20 minutes...usually. My first visit was to see Inception a second time, and our order was placed ten minutes before the previews began rolling. By the time the first reel was over, I noticed we hadn't received our food yet, and after an hour, I hunted down one of the waitstaff and inquired as to why it takes an hour to prepare burgers. Apparently the computer palm-pilot thingys that the servers used had failed to send our order to the kitchen (as well as everyone else's in our row), so they gave is free tickets to another screening and delivered our food promptly (our drinks were delivered quickly, so the bar's computer must be awesome).

My second viewing was for The Other Guys, and our food was delivered in a timely fashion. Overall, the food is decent, but is nothing outstanding or out of this world. I actually like the fries a lot, as you can tell they are cut and made in the kitchen. But I'm not much of a food critic and have only had the burger, potato skins, onion rings (with the not so subtle name of Lord of the Onion Rings), and chicken strips.

But despite the issue with food on my first trip, there is just something irritating about the Cinebarre experience as a whole that I can't quite shake. First, the lights are never entirely dimmed because the waitstaff is continues to run around and take orders throughout the show, if you should write something else down on the paper. Second, when you do get your food, it draws you out of the movie because now you are focusing on eating this burger but being relatively quiet about it so as not disturb other patrons (though they don't always oblige). Finally, around an hour before the movie is over, the waitstaff drops your check off and then you have to think about paying, how much to tip, and yadda yadda yadda. Overall, it is the least immersive theater experience I have ever had.

So do I recommend the Cinebarre? Not really. I suggest you go check it out to experience it at least once, but I would not go there very often. It is a cinema to see a film you truly don't care about (for instance, a bad romantic comedy might be tolerable because you can down Pulp Fictions), but definitely not a movie you have been anticipating for a while. You are never really into the movie because you are always aware you are in a theater, with friends, dining while viewing a movie. Though if you are on a blind date, this place could be awesome because it combines dinner and a movie and eliminates most of that unnecessary talking business.

The one plus to it being 21 and up? No kids or crying babies. Hallelujah.

The Other Guys (2010)

The Other Guys was chugging along nicely, a rather stupid action-comedy starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, but really what did I expect? Then the movie ended, and the most surprising thing happened: the end credits began displaying graphs, charts, and data on the bailout, CEO spending, CEO salaries, Ponzi schemes, and the like. For a minute, I wondered whether The Other Guys had been a smart satire on America's economy. Then I realized nope, Adam McKay just thinks throwing up a bunch of info like that will make us think the movie was smarter then it really was.

But really, it isn't half-bad. It opens with Sam Jackson and Dwayne Johnson being super-macho stereotypes of themselves, which is pretty funny, and Ferrell is actually hilarious in his early scenes as a subdued worker. It's nice to see him restrained and not the pompous idiot of Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Semi-Pro, or Step Brothers. Mark Wahlberg is less funny as Ferrell's partner, but he still does a good enough job. Much of their chemistry in the beginning is what makes the movie fun (a debate over tunas versus lions is the film's best moment).

But then the film becomes embroiled in its plot, and then the film becomes less inspired. Ferrell starts becoming hyperactive again, and the movie hits its lowest points when Eva Mendes comes onscreen. This isn't because Ms. Mendes is a bad actress (she was exceptional in Bad Lieutenant), but because the joke around her character is totally miscalculated. Ferrell completely disregards her beauty and mocks her constantly, yet hot women are still attracted to him. She is given terrible lines as well ("I show him my breasts every morning and tell him, 'these are waiting for you.'"), and overall is squandered.

Then there's the plot, which involves Steve Coogan carrying out a Ponzi-ish scheme, I guess. He keeps borrowing money from investors with no real intent on paying them back. What is particularly odd about this film is how Ferrell and Wahlberg spend most of their time protecting Coogan from the villains, when in the end, he is put behind bars and is himself the main villain. It's funny to have the heroes stake so much for the villain.

Finally, the action itself is less-then-inspired. I can tell this film was influenced by Hot Fuzz, the far superior action-comedy, and that's because that film had style. This film lacks any sort of style and is dead in the water. Helicopters fly around and car chases ensue, but there's really no awe coming from them, and in the end you are left yawning.

So, in the end, this picture fails because apparently it wants to be a satire on the economy and big business, when really, it is anything but.